Child cues
Think about what the individual child is communicating rather than relying on a blanket rule about physical comfort.
Free guide for early childhood teams
Can I still comfort a distressed child?
A thoughtful guide to safe, appropriate touch in early childhood.
I wrote this after hearing more educators second-guess what to do when a child is crying, reaching for comfort or struggling through a difficult moment.
Protecting children matters. So does remaining emotionally available to them. This guide helps teams think about how safety, professional boundaries, the individual child and warm responsive care can sit alongside each other.
Pause
Notice your own reaction, uncertainty or urgency before deciding what the child needs from you.
Notice
Look at what this individual child is communicating through their body, behaviour and proximity.
Respond
Choose a thoughtful response that keeps warmth, safety and professional boundaries together.
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Why this conversation matters
I do not want good educators becoming afraid of connection.
Safeguarding conversations are important. Children need adults who understand boundaries, consent, visibility and professional responsibility.
But I am also hearing educators describe moments where fear has started replacing professional judgement. A distressed child reaches towards them and instead of first noticing what the child may need, they are wondering whether comforting them could get them into trouble.
I think we need room for a more thoughtful conversation than either “never touch children” or “do what feels natural”. The individual child, the context, the purpose of the interaction, organisational expectations, local requirements and the educator's professional judgement all matter.
Inside the guide
Written for moments that are difficult to reduce to one policy sentence.
A child is crying at drop-off. Another reaches towards a trusted educator. A team member is unsure whether physical comfort is appropriate. These are the kinds of moments this guide is designed to help teams think through.
Educator awareness
Notice when fear, rushing, uncertainty or previous experiences may be shaping the adult response.
Professional boundaries
Keep physical contact purposeful, appropriate, responsive to the child and consistent with your organisation’s expectations and local requirements.
Team reflection
Use the guide to create clearer conversations about what safe, warm and responsive care looks like in your own setting.
The guide is one conversation
Most difficult moments are not really about touch.
More often, educators are trying to work out what to do when a child freezes at drop-off, cannot stay with the group, becomes overwhelmed, starts running, throws, bites, shuts down or reaches the end of their capacity.
That is the broader question behind Regulator Champions: what do we notice before we decide what the child needs to do differently?
A child freezes at drop-off
Is this refusal, uncertainty, overwhelm, separation distress or a child whose body needs more time?
A child cannot stay with group time
Are we looking only at behaviour, or also considering movement, sensory needs, attention and participation?
The room becomes louder late in the day
Do we keep adding instructions, or notice that children and educators may both be running out of capacity?
Read the story behind the guide
The heartbreak of second-guessing a hug
Why are caring educators questioning interactions that once felt natural, and how do we protect children without becoming afraid of responsive care?
For early childhood leaders
If your team needs more than one conversation about touch.
Regulator Champions is broader whole-team support for teams wanting to strengthen co-regulation, educator confidence, reflection and everyday responses across many different pressure points.
You can start with the free Regulation Ladder first. If the approach is useful, six-month and twelve-month program options are available.
This resource supports professional reflection and team discussion. It is not legal advice and does not replace your organisation's policies, provider or leadership guidance, safeguarding requirements, licensing requirements or other requirements that apply in your location. Regulatory information in the guide was checked in August 2026.